Today, talking to my parents and all, I realized that I wish you were more my friend. I think that I am moving on from being on denial and accepting the fact that I cared. I’m not asking for an explanation of what happened to us. That is the least of my worries. I understand that sometimes people arent meant to be together at that moment. Our timing was wrong. I was busy with school and you were looking for something I couldnt give you. I never stopped believing, though. I wonder if you think about me. I wonder if you ask yourself how I’m doing. I’m really happy you’re with her. You guys can be super clingy together. Just because I wasnt clingy does not mean I didnt care and cherish what we had. I did, and I have moved on from the relationship part. I know I was never attached enough to get hurt, but you’ve been my friend since I can remember. Why are you being so sketch? Where did my friend go? The one what would make me watch stupid comedies and play video games? I find myself typing you messages on facebook but deleting them because I think I’ve tried enough. I know nothing will ever be too much as long as I have my friend back. I mean, come on. I know you will be gone, and no matter how much I beg my mom not to make me go to Nicaragua, I wish I could get a chance to see you. I dont even know where you are..
I overreacted. However, I have come to realize and discover many things during my first year of college. The most important realization is that things do not always work the way you plan them. This is not necessarily bad. Sometimes things happen so better things can come along. I have also learned to believe in love; not only the romantic kind. I believe in family love and friendships. I can count my best friends with my hands, but that does not mean that I’m lonely. Those are the best friends anyone can ever wish for. I have learned to appreciate them. But of course, I have also fallen in love. Considering how selfish I am, this is a bit rare, especially considering the circumstances. What am I thinking? But that’s what it is all about. Things do not happen the way we plan them. They just happen sometimes. He is so weird and I like that. He believes. He believes in me. He makes me have that extra faith that we all need sometimes. I am so scared. I’m scared of change. I’m not used to change. I’m used to following my plan. I’m scared of growing up and things not working out. I cant help being scared. So here’s my advice: Forget planning. Live life as it comes. This does not mean that you have to be careless. Care. Care for those who have surrounded you with love. Care for those who have been there for you. Care for yourself.
Sometimes I blame myself. I feel I am the reason you get so stressed. If I wasnt in the way, you wouldn’t have spent so much money taking me here and there. You would be much father ahead in your career and I apologize for that. I wish it wasn’t like that. I wish it wasn’t my fault. I only want the best for you.
I want to be there to protect you. I want to be there to cushion your head as you sleep. I want to be there to make you laugh. I want to be there to see your eyes twinkle in the sunlight. I want to be there to catch every tear. I want to be there for you.
Because sometimes I really do need those small silly things that you say are unnecessary. I need you to remind me that you’re always thinking of me. I need you to remind me that to you I’m worth it all.
happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. a good marriage must be created. in the art of marriage: the little things are the big things. it is never being too old to hold hands. it is remembering to say ‘i love you’ at least once a day. it is never going to sleep angry. it is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. it is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. it is standing together facing the world. it is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. it is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. it is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. it is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel. it is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. it is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. it is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. it is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. it is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.