I love my parents. I really do not think that anyone can ever understand my relationship with them. I am very happy and blessed to have them as my parents. I would have never gotten as far as I have without them and I think sometimes I forget to thank them. My new goal is to make sure that they know how grateful I am for every sacrifice they have done for me.
I’m not sure how to start this. I feel like I fucked up. You are my best friend and my heart is shattered right now. I feel like Serena, on the first 5 episodes of Gossip Girl Season 1. You know? When she left Blair without saying anything to anyone and could not find the strength to say anything to anyone? Yeah, thats me right now. God, I remember it was middle school when we first became obsessed with Gossip Girl books. I started reading them because of you. And then we graduated from UMS, and decided to move on and not look bad. Best decision of our lives, by the way.
You may say you dont care, and you may not, but I feel like I hurt you more than I have ever hurt anyone in my entire life. I feel like I let you down. I moved away and then came back and that was the last time we ever went to the same school. Still, our friendship is the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life. You have been there for me so many times. Times that I cannot see me getting through them without you. I hope I have been as good of a friend as you have been. Look at us now. You’re graduating and I’m at UNC. We shared the same dreams, and we still do. I miss you right now. I miss you a lot. I know you’re going to do wonderful things and I know I will be by your side. There is no one in the world who knows me better than you do. I am now just rambling.
It hurts me to not be there, and there is no excuse for me. I could tell you that I needed this. I needed to get away from it all, but running away is never the choice you should make. I really couldnt bear being there. If I didn’t come, my parents would have probably sent me to Nicaragua for the summer but I’m really not that strong. I could not go to Nicaragua and see Javier because even if I wont admit it, it hurt like hell. But I’m hurting you now and I wish I wasnt. I would rather get hurt a million times than hurting you. I’m a bad friend, and if I ever find a way to make it up, I will.
Would you like some tequila from Mexico? CONGRATULATIONS! I am the most proud of you. You are such a smart and amazing girl and you are going to accomplish so much!
“I wish the whole day were like breakfast, when people are still connected to their dreams, focused inward, and not yet ready to engage with the world around them. I realized this is how I am all day; for me, unlike other people, there doesn’t come a moment after a cup of coffee or a shower or whatever when I suddenly feel alive and awake and connected to the world. If it were always breakfast, I would be fine.”—Peter Cameron, Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You